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Prey for Rock & Roll (2003)
IMDB rating: 6.00
Plot: Prey For Rock & Roll is the story of Jacki and her all-girl rock and roll band, Clam Dandy, who are trying to make it in the LA club scene of the late 1980’s. After ten years of being ignored by record producers, Jacki and the band find hope in one producer who promises to see them play and consider them for a contract. Jacki resolves to play this one last gig and then throw in the towel if she does not find success. Personal tragedies, however, threaten to rip the band apart, rocking the foundation of friendship and trust the women have built together. Ultimately, the band must find its strength in the music that is their passion and the thread that holds them together, inspiring them to prevail.
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Directors: Steyermark Alex
Actors: Blucas Marc,Martin Ivan,Driscoll Eddie,Rikaart Greg,Harold Francois,Drama,Music,
Does Chapter 1 of my story make you interested enough to want to read the other chapters? Read details please?
I posted a question almost exactly like this about an hour ago but I only got one answer and I would really like to get some more.I started writing a story(it doesn’t have a name yet) and I have some questions. I want to know if chapter 1 catches your attention and makes you want to read chapter 2. I hope to publish it someday, but I wont have a chance unless the first chapter catches the publisher’s attention. Also, I’m not very good explaining things when I write, so if you have advice on how to make it sound more detailed that would be great. Thanks! Here is chapter 1:
I wasn’t exactly sure how to react. Awakening to two strange, good looking guys standing in front of me wasn’t actually a daily occurance. Of course, neither was being abducted my them either. I struggled against the itchy rope that bound my hands. Was the rope even neccessary? I wasn’t the most burly looking girl. Actually, I was quite the opposite. I was never good at athletics at all.
I was sitting in a dark room. Dimly lit lanterns hung on the rock walls. The limited light illuminated the two guys faces. The first one was taller and had more muscles than the second one. He had dark, Bronze hair and looked to be around nineteen. He wore a sleeveless black shirt with matching pants.
The second boy didn’t look too burly but did not look weak by any means. He looked to be seventeen and wore the same clothing as the first guy. He had his arms crossed, a blank expression. "What..do..you want..with me?" I grunted, tugging at the ropes. "I can tell this isn’t a random kidnapping."
"Someone speaks their mind," the tall one smiled.
"Not usually, but I think this is an exception," I answered. I was telling the truth, too. Usually, drawing attention wasn’t something I did. The attention seemed to be on me already, though. Okay, maybe I should go back a little. This whole incident began Thursday night.
"Leslie, hurry up!"
I stood at my locker, slowly dragging my text books into my bag. I turned towards Molly, my bestfriend.
"Why are you going so slow today?" she asked.
"I don’t know," I answered. "I just suddenly got tired. Molly,I don’t think I can go to that concert tonight.
Molly made a noise of suprise. "You know we’ve been waiting for Thursday night to come for months," she whined.
"I know, but I really need to sleep," I said. "You can take Benjamen."
"She can take me where?" Benjamen asked, appearing beside us. He pulled a peice of his auborn hair behind his ear. Benjamen and Molly looked remarkably alike, the two being siblings and all. They had both inherrited the same auborn hair and pale skin.
"I don’t want to take my brother to a concert," Molly argued. "I might as well take my parents."
"I thought Leslie was going with you," Benjamen answered.
"I’m just not up for it," I explained. "I’m not feeling too well today."
"Why, is something wrong?" he asked, a worried expression crossing his face.
"No, I’m just tired."
"Exactly, so why not tough it up an go?" Molly questioned.
I ran my hand through my dark brown hair. "Sorry," I mumbled.
"Fine, I’ll take Benjamen," she sighed." Just go home and get some sleep."
"Yea, I will." The bell for the end of the day resonated through the school. I felt a wave of dizziness come over me and I placed my hand on my locker for support.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" Benjamen asked.
"Yea, you are starting to get pale," Molly added.
"I’m perfectly fine, now, I’ll see you tomorrow." I walked towards the doors, the two casting worried glances behind me. I made my way to the buses. The thought of napping in a small bus seat actually seemed nice, for once. As I made my way to my haven, I heard a familar voice.
"Hey, Leslie," Braden said. I turned towards a blonde haired boy. Braden was a friend that I occasionally talked to. It was obvious that he had a crush on Molly. She just didn’t seem too interested, though.
"Where’s Molly?" he asked.
"She left with her brother," I replied. How many obsticales would I have to face before I could rest?
"Hey, are you ok?" Braden questioned.
"Yea," I repeated, slightly irritated. "Molly probably just left the building. You might be able to catch up with her," I said.
"Oh, ok." Braden turned and quickly headed the other way.
People often ask me where Molly is. I guess it’s because we’ve been friends since middle school. I met Benjamen soon after, and we quickly became friends. He’s asked me out on a date a few times now, but I can only see him as my Best friends brother.
I stumbled into a bus seat and leaned my head against the window. Why was I so tired? I had plenty of sleep last night. I closed my eyes but no sleep would come to me. I sat like that for ten minutes but my body just wouldn’t allow me to sleep.
I staggered from the bus, the driver glancing towards me nervously. he clearly didn’t want any casualties happening under his watch. I walked into my house and collapsed into a chair. My parents were often gone from home because of business trips. They were currently on one that was supposed to last for a few months. At the moment, I enjoyed the silence.
My head buzzed, begging for sleep. How was I suposed to give it something that I had no control of? I glanced around the house, suspicion glowing in my eyes. For some reason, I had a feeling that I was being watched. Actually, I had felt like this since lunch.
Maybe I was just imagining it. Drowsiness tended to do that. The phone suddenly ran, making me jump. Did I mention that I get very uptight when I’m tired?
"Hello?" I asked.
"Leslie, its your mother," a voice boomed.
"Hey, Mom," I answered.
"Have you been staying up all night?" My mother asked. "You sound tired. You didn’t go partying did you? Maybe I should come home."
"Mom, don’t worry. I haven’t done anything but go to school," I assured. "Don’t come home on my account."
"Are you sure you don’t need me to come home?" she asked.
"I’m sure. I’ll talk to you later. I think I’m going to take a nap."
"I knew you sounded tired. You shouldn’t stay up all night talking to Molly. That part of your life is supposed to be reserved for a boyfriend."
"Okay, Mom, bye." I hung the phone up and slowly made my way upstairs. It has always been my mother’s dream for me to get a boyfriend. I was never really the dating type, though. i collapsed onto my bed. My eyes were stinging from weariness. The same suspicion that someone was watching me suddenly came back. What was happening to me? was I going crazy? If I was, I never expected it to be like this. I closed my eyes.
"She’s a strong one," a male voice mumbled.
I layed on my bed in a daze. My eyes felt like bricks, refusing to open. Whose voice was that? What were they doing in my house? Why hadn’t I heard them?
"She’s fighting your spell strongly," the same voice echoed.
There was still silence to answer him. Finally, another male voice answered him. "I haven’t put the full extent of my power on her," he answered.
"You’re going easy on this one?" The older sounding once questioned. "Usually when the Queen orders you to do this, you quickly force the extent of your powers on the victom."
"The queen will be angry if I hurt the girl," the younger one answered. "She’s different than the other prey."
What were they talking about? The Queen will be angry? Maybe I had fallen asleep already and this was just a dream.
"Should we get going now?" The older one asked.
"We need to make sure she’s fully asleep first," the other one said. There was complete silence. A wave of new, heavier weariness came over me. My eyes stung worse and the buzzing in my head loudened. I had never been this tired before. Did these guys have the power to make me sleep or something? Whatever it was, I couldn’t let myself fall asleep now. Something was happening and I had to find out.
I fought to open my eyes and was finally successful. Two men stood at the end of my bed. I quickly sat up and the room began to spin around.
"I thought you said you were going to make her sleep, not get up," the older one said.
The younger one stood quietly, a suprised and irriated expression crossing his face.
"Who are you?" I demanded, trying to clear my head. I stood from bed, holding onto my bedpost for support.
The younger one held his hand out towards me. It might have been my imagination, but a saddened expression crossed his face. Before I could feel another wave of weariness everything went dark. That’s when I awoke in the dark room with the two people. I was no longer tired at all.
"You’re a lucky one, girl," the older more built one said. "The queen usually kills the sacrifice when they’re asleep. Well, I guess that makes you an unlucky girl."
"Owen," the younger less built one warned.
I could hear full authority in his voice. Owen scowled towards the boy. "I’m only teasing her. Lighten up, Vincent. I know the Queen isn’t that cruel. She’ll have you put her back asleep before the ceremony."
Vincent casted him an angry glare.
I sat in confusion. The bigger one named Owen was taking orders from the smaller one? I shouldn’t be thinking of that, though. Leslie, you’re in real danger here.
"You can at least untie me," I grumbled. "Does it look like I can escape?"
Owen laughed, his voice echoing through the room. "Maybe we should untie the rope, Vincent," he said. "The girls right, she can’t escape us."
"Orders were to keep her restrained," Vincent answered. "I’m going to see if the Queen is ready. Make sure she doesn’t try and escape." Vincent left the room.
The fear that had been lost in my confusion moments ago had finally arrived. Where was I, anyways? The only words I had heard were the Queens orders and sacrifice. Was I going to become a sacrifice and die in this dark place? Fear bit at my stomach. There was no way I was going to get any answers from the Vincent guy. The only hope I had now was the one called Owen.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"You’re at the Queen’s castle," Owen answered.
"The Queen’s castle? Where is that?"
"Beyond the city, through the vine wall."
There was a large vine wall on the side of town. I had been across it a few times and never had I seen a castle. was this guy crazy? "Why are you answering me so quickly?" I asked. His story didn’t sound very realistic and I wasn’t convinced.
"It’s best to let the sacrifices have their last wishes."
Vincent noisily strode into the room. He had obviously heard our short conversation and wasn’t too happy about it." The Queen is ready to see the girl," he said.
I was led along a small corridor. It was brighter than the room so I could finally observe my surroundings closly. The walls were made of gray rock that reminded me of the castles that you would see in the midevel times. Electrical lights were lined across the ceiling. we passed many doors that I wasn’t all to eager to see behind.
Finally, Vincent opened a large door at the end of the corridor. I was led inside to find myself in a large room. Embroidered cloth hung on the walls. A matching rug was spread across the room, leading to a large chair. In the chair was a women that looked to be in her thirties. Her flaming, red hair was braided and rolled into a bun. She wore red robes that looked very expensive. A golden crown fit upon her head.
"Lady Lana, we have brought the girl," Vincent announced.
"Bring her forth," Queen Lana announced.
They led me forward and forced me onto my knees. I grumbled angrily.
"This is deffinatly the one," she mumbled. She examined me quietly for a minute.
"Hmm…your powers have not yet peaked."
Ok, was this women also crazy? My powers haven’t peaked? I wasn’t even aware that I had any so called "powers."
"What’s going on?" I demanded. My fear had not yet left me.
"Leslie Milling, age sixteen," Queen Lana began," You currently live alone and don’t have many friends. The most interesting thing, though, is that you have extraordinary powers."
I stared, confused. "I don’t have any powers. Who are you?"
"My name is Lana and I am the Queen of Europhemia," she explained," A Kingdom near the out skirts of your town."
"A kingdom?" I questioned, not sounding very convinced," And it’s close to my town? Behind the vines." I nearly laughed at the last sentence.
"Yes, this place is invisible to humans. The only way to travel here is if you have one of my two servants or me."
"Those servants are Owen and Vincent," I said, laughing to myself. I didn’t usually believe things that I couldn’t see.
"You have been informed, by Owen, no doubt," she said. "That is right, they are who I spoke of. I’m guessing you have seen Vincent’s power, also."
I thought back to the incident where Vincent and Owen had intruded into my room. When Vincent spoke I had suddenly became tired. I had not witnessed what he had done, though.
"Vincent, Owen, and I are all Ryoku. Humans who are born with special powers. We are all the last of our herritage, so we though. That’s when i discovered you."
I was now struggling on whether I should believe her or not. I mean, the story was completly unrealistic but that Vincent had obviously done something to me earlier.
"I discovered you when I sent Owen and Vincent to scan over your town. It seems that you have hidden powers inside of you."
I noticed a hint of malice enter her voice.
"Why are you explaining all of this to me?"
"Why, you ask?" Queen Lana stood from her chair and walked towards me. She stopped a few inches away and grabbed my chin. "It’s because I want that power," she said," And the only way to get that power is to kill you."
Fear over whelmed my body. I sat on my knees, paralyzed.
"Unfortunatly, your powers aren’t at their peak yet," Queen Lana continued. "It would be a waste to kill you now." A slight feeling of relief washed over me. At least I was safe, for now.
"Ive decided to send you back to your town. Of course, just until your powers reach their full potential. After that, my two servants will bring you back here where I take your powers.
My body trembled. I opened my mouth and barely managed to splutter a sentence. "W-why would y-you tell me this?" I spluttered. "W-wouldn’t it be easier to have just waited until then and kill me when I’m sleeping?"
"Since you’re my most prized sacrifice, I decided to tell you everything. That way, you have time to accept your death and finish any business you have. You see, I am not as cruel as you think."
I glowered at her. That was a joke, right? "Prove it," I mumbled. "Prove everything you just told me."
"You’re still giving me orders?" Queen Lana laughed. "Alright, I’ll show you my powers. Bring me the other sacrifice!"
Vincent, who had been waiting outside the room with Owen, came through the doors. he pushed a terrified looking man into the room. Like me, his hands were also bound. He looked to be in his late thirties.
Vincent brought the man to the Queen, who was now a few feet away from me. I couldn’t help but notice, once again, that there was a sort of sadness to Vincent’s face. his eyes flickered towards me for a moment as he left the room.
The man gasped in fear, which made me quickly return my attention to them. The Queen had placed her hand over the man’s face. The man let out a gut wrenching sream as a blue mist rose from his body.
The Queen’s eyes glew a strange light as she fed from the mist. I sat in utter horror as she killed him right before me. Before I knew it, tears had formed in my eyes. i opened my mouth to tell her to stop but no sound would come out. I was helpless. My only choice was to close my eyes, but I knew it was too late for that. The Queen lifted her hand from his face, and he fell to the floor, lifeless.
"Do you see now?" Queen Lana asked. "That is the extent of my powers. I can take the life of any being with my bare hands. None of their body energy can be compared to yours, though. That man didn’t have half as much power as you did. I hope you watched well, because that is exactly what will happen to you soon. Only, with you it will take much longer." she smiled malicously.
I still had no power of speech. There was no point in denying her story now. What normal human would be able to do that? So, I was a Ryoku. If that was true, then why would she kill one of her own? Especially since there were so few left.
"Well, I think I’ve explained everything needed," Queen Lana said. "It looks like it’s time to send you back home. Owen, Vincent!" Both Owen and Vincent walked into the room.
"Would you be so kind as to bring her back home?" They both nodded. Vincent walked towards me, and I stumbled back. He placed his hand out, a few inches away from me. The same weariness overcame me. I looked at the Queen, who was now smiling. I saw the body beside her out of the corner of my eye and everything went dark.
By the way, there will be some spelling errors and puncuation errors because this is the rough draft. Also, i am new at this and I put in my explanation that I pretty much suck at describing things. That is why i would love some advice on how to describe it better.
Thank you for the critism. i am a beginner and by the way I am 15. When I said I want to publish it i meant in like five years. Lol but I do appreciate the critism. I agree that maybe I should have put it as a prolouge. I try to show instead of explain but I pretty much suck at it. LOL I am trying to do better. Compared to when I wrote stories when I was eleven i think i’ve improved lately. Lol thanks again.
Okay, let’s begin. I have a feeling this’ll be a long critique-don’t despair though, if I thought you were worthless I wouldn’t bother saying more than "you suck at writing, give it up and apply at your local McDonald’s"
First paragraph-the first thing she notices is the fact that the guys are good looking-that’s bad. She automatically knew she’d been abducted by them-there was no disorientation upon awakening. She should spend a few moments waking up-was she hit on the head to get there? Drugged? She should be dizzy if that’s the case, and in pain. She should then register in shackles on her and (this is going on what I think I’d do in that situation) try to break free. She might then register the guys presence (is she the type to go into hysterics right off or go into shock and then panic later after the event is over and done with) You can put the "was the rope even necessary….athletics at all" part as dialogue between the characters later on
2nd Para: consider to changing "limited light…" to "The two guys’ faces were illuminated by the soft white glow of the lanterns hanging from the stone walls. Take out "the first" and just go with "One was taller" a prisoner wouldn’t be categorizing them into 1st and 2nd person. consider changing muscles to muscular and striking out the and had. As well as changing "second one" to other. Watch out for your descriptions-a lot of new writers get caught up in making all of their characters "hotties" or "untapped beauties" and getting too into describing their clothes. This is a book, not a fashion magazine, lol. You don’t seem to be doing this yet though.
3rd para: The first line has been repeated in many stories by teen writers more times than I can count. Try adding more depth to that description. Describe not tell how he looks. Are his muscles sleek and defined or wiry and subtle. Seventeen and nineteen doesn’t really have much of a difference imo. Perhaps you can go a little bit further and say that "his face looked slightly less mature than the taller man’s; she guessed him to be around seventeen."
instead of "someone…mind" how about tweaking it to say more along the lines of "outspoken, are we?" or something-and describe his tone-is it soft and velvety, caressing the air or a booming and intimidating that seems to erupt from him? Adjust your sentences according to their personality’s as well
I suppose she could be jabbering more info than really is called for in this situation out of fear for her life-panic setting in and everything.
Was not expecting the flashback-never just state a time jump specifically one in the past. Try to transition it-make the story flow into the past. Maybe have one of them ask her if she remembered how she was brought there and go on from there
Describe Molly sooner; consider inserting a brief physical description (hair/eye color) right before you mention her name the first time [ex: I turned towards the speaker, a strawberry blond "bombshell" by the name of Molly X-tho I wouldn’t recommend her being strawberry blond or a bombshell-or at least not outright called one, lol]
change "I just …tired" to " I just got tired all of a sudden" the words flow better that way, imo.
When you introduce Benjamen, at "he pulled…" how about changing that to "he tugged" I just think it fits better somehow.
[oh look Molly’s auburn, lol-i’m too lazy to change my example :P]
On "I don’t want to take…" change the comma after concert to an exclamation mark, move molly argued to after "I might as well…" and change argued to complained. Also, consider changing "I might as well…" to "that’s just as bad as"
"I’m just not up to it" instead of "up for it"
"Why? Is something wrong?" he asked, face creasing in slight worry.
I waved off his concern. "I’m just tired."
"See? Nothing’s wrong; tough it up and go," Molly interjected [keep in mind everything I suggest is just a suggestion, this is just how I’d change thing around]
Take out brown in "i ran my hand through…" it makes it obvious you’re trying to find a way to describe her appearance, you can fit that end later.
strike out "for the end of the day resonated through the school" and replace it with sounded. Why is she at her locker before the bell, anyway?
Take out the perfectly in "i’m perfectly fine now" and those unneeded commas (u can clean up your spelling and grammar on your own tho)
Braden greeted, instead of "Braden said." I turned towards the, instead of a blond haired boy. Braden was an acquaintance. Change too interested to "very interested, though."
He’s asked me out on dates, un-capitalize best
I had, had plenty of sleep last night.
My parents were, as per usual, away on a business trip. This one looked to last for a few months. I enjoyed the silence offered by their absence.
suspicion can glow? lol How about taking out everything from "suspicion" to "reason" and and tweaking the sentence after that: I glanced around the house, a feeling of unease creeping over me. It felt like I was being watched. I vaguely recalled having a similar feeling for the latter half of the school day.
Drowsiness…..do that to me. The phone…rang, and I jumped. I’d always been very edgy when drowsy. (don’t talk to the audience in a novel-well you can, I’ve just never seen it done in a published work" Just because it’s first person doesn’t mean that the character has to talk directly to the audience to get her point across.
Her mother has a boomy voice? Is she a person with perpetual energy? You should explain why she’s so loud.
"Mom, don’t worry…." I assured her.
I’ve never been the dating type, though.
Take out "was I going crazy? If I was …. this" people are paranoid about being watch a lot (specially when home alone) she shouldn’t automatically be like "I’m going crazy" How about "I closed my eyes and tried to ignore my paranoia"
change mumbled to murmured
I’m sorry, I’m really tired, so I can’t go on anymore. If you want me to check the rest then feel free to email me and let me know.
Ick, it’s only 11:34 and I’m dead tired. I feel old 
I’d like to help you on your description skills too. I don’t have much free time (or I won’t as I’ll be starting college in a few days *the horror!*) but I’d be more than happy to help you edit your story if you think my ideas thus far have been good.
Again, email me if you’re interested.
alythia101 | Aug 16, 2008
That was interesting… althought you could add some more mystery to the whole thing. You make it sound slightly amatour-ish by telling everything straight instead of showing. Try to show, not tell. Good job, on the whole. I can see it took a while.
iluvsasuke | Aug 16, 2008
You are one of the few people on here who I have seen who can actually write a coherent story.
BRAVO!
There are really few new stories to be written. This is an old theme that you could possibly put a new twist on it.
I don’t know where you are going with it, but keep going.
You might try to find a local writers group to mentor you.
I belong to one and we love to have new members.
Good luck!
Al
al l | Aug 16, 2008
To be completely honest I stopped reading after the second or third paragraph. It just wasn’t there for me. I did skim the rest though.
Some pointers though:
1.Spell check please
2.Sometimes it just needs to be short and simple. for example "I was never good at athletics at all." would sound better if it was "I was never very athletic."
3.You use decent describing words but you use some of them all wrong and it ruins the picture you’re painting in my head.
You’re off to a great start and you definitely have potential to be a great writer, you just need some practice.
alls_fair_in_luv_and_war | Aug 16, 2008
I’ve got a few suggestions.
1) Your main character is a Mary Sue. She’s not strong, she doesn’t like attention…. It almost sounds like you based her off Bella from Twilight. She has no real personality.
2) As much as I love hearing what color hair each character has, that’s not necessary. Out of all the things you can say about your characters, the most important should not be their hair color.
3) I asked, I answered, I assured, I mumbled. Lots of teachers will try to tell you that these words are better than using ‘I said’. Those teachers are wrong. Using ’said’ with dialogue helps a story flow. Pick up a copy of any book and read some of the dialogue in there. You’ll realize that almost all of the time, the author uses ’said’ after dialogue.
There are a few other thigs too, but The Notebook is coming on TV in a few minutes, and I don’t have time to write everything (it’s one of my favorite movies). If you feel up to it, send me chapter two. I’d love to read it. My email is readaddiction416@aim.com
Aly | Aug 16, 2008
Your style of writing is a little weak/amateurist. How old are you? It seems as if a 14 year old is writing it. In order to be published, you need to elevate your writing style. The only way to do this is to read a higher level literature. Read some fantasy novels (and not Harry Potter or Twilight- you need to read from more elder and more successful novelists).
In order to write this scene correctly, you need to write it as if you were being kidnapped yourself, as well as being the kidnapper. If I were to kidnap someone, I would not explain my entire plot to them. And I would not kidnap a magical being if their abilities had not developed yet. I would secretively follow the person to see the progression of her abilities. Just before her abilities reach her peak, I would kidnap her. This scene seems as if it would belong in a prologue, rather than a first chapter. The purpose of the first chapter is to introduce the protagonist. You switch scenes far too rashly, and the progression of this novel is occurring too quickly. I recommend that you start at the development of the narrator’s powers. You need to let the reader know the character as her powers develop.
You also tell quite frequently. I had a very skilled creative writing teacher years ago that helped me develop my writing style because she always told me to SHOW rather than tell. It’s a skill that takes a long time to acquire.
You also have a tendency to use too much dialog. Sure, the characters don’t just sit there- they DO interact, but you need to be clear and precise in what the characters do. For example- the protagonist tells the Queen to prove her powers. If I told an almighty Queen to prove her abilities to me, I would not mumble it. I would be stubborn, I would be eager, I would be curious, etc. I would say it confidently, not in a mere mumble. If you were to use this scene as a prologue, knocking the character out of consciousness is correct at the end, so you ARE in the right direction. Good luck in your writing!
Madison | Aug 16, 2008
Its cool but i would add the main characters thinking its a dream That would make it more realistic I mean a normal person would probuly not what happened even if it seemed that real.
Kali | Aug 16, 2008
I am guessing that you’re young, in the age range of Leslie, right? If that is true, then I think that you have definite potential as a writer! Your story held my attention and inspired my interest in what might follow in the plot. As you have mentioned, it needs correcting of spelling and grammar errors, but those can come later. Writing requires much rewriting and editing. I would encourage you to continue with the story; do you know where you intend to take it, what the climax will be? When I read, being a realist, I look for incongruencies in the plot, and I was bothered by the fact of Leslie’s parents leaving her alone for months on end while they traveled in their work; she is, after all, just a teenager? I think that it would be more realistic if they took occasional business trips where she might be left for a day or two or a weekend. Of course, your story is actually a fantasy, but I have written two fantasy novels, and, although they are obviously that, I endeavored also to make them realistically believable simultaneously. I think that even fantasies require a basis in realism in order to resonate with potential reader. With polishing, I feel certain, you will have a first chapter which will catch the attention eventually of someone interested in investing in it. I hope that my advice is helpful and wish you success in your writing.
Lynci | Aug 16, 2008
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My MIL has actually gone ahead and made a circumcision app (longgggg story) when my eldest was 6months without our consent or knowledge for a day when I had asked her to babysit for me. Obviously that didn’t happen LUCKILY the car ride she had organised had fallen through. 
